Workplace Journals: I Committed Career Suicide

Workplace Journals: I Committed Career Suicide

So I had just gotten about of a shit hole of a company, into another related industry. I got the job through a recommendation of a media contact that I made whilst practicing public relations at the shit hole company. I was really excited; it would be the first prominent brand I had worked for and it’ll look good on my resume. Also, I had just broken up with my ex-boyfriend and was nursing a broken depressed black heart, and this was really a breath of fresh air and hope for my future.

But……………………………

In less than a month into the role, trouble started brewing in my personal life.

It had gotten complicated with my ex-boyfriend. We started texting regularly and I started regretting the break-up and was carrying some serious hope for a reconciliation. To my horror, during a KTV sesh with a group of friends + the ex, I saw sparks flying between the ex and one of my very close friends, whom I considered a confidante when we broke up… the KTV sesh was very hard to live down.. very awkward and the worst moments of my life… for a few years after that I would avoid all KTV sesh because of this incident which gave me (for lack of a better term) PTSD.. also, there were many more stuff on this saga but I’ll not elaborate as that is not the point of this blog story here..

So then I was dealt with a hard blow and my world was further crushed… I was officially depressed… and work at the new place was tough.. there was once I had to work til 9pm, go home bathe and come back midnight-ish to oversee an event set-up, go home and then come back again for work 830am sharp….

So this was just a perfect time bomb just ticking… and waiting for me to explode mentally…

Which I did.

I couldn’t perform at work… made tons of mistakes… lost absolutely every shred of confidence… I was nauseated most parts of the day… my palms started to become excessively sweaty whole day long… I kept washing my hands but it kept getting sweaty and wet again…

I was struggling to hold myself together… I was just .. DONE FOR.

At the end of my 3rd month of poor performance, my managers sat me down and discussed ever so gently about my “next steps”. In other words, they wanted me to resign.

So to make things easy, I told them (something like this) “I’m sorry, and I just feel like I’m not the right fit for the job at this moment, I will resign”… So yeap, at least I had self-awareness, and I resigned… and I also apologized to the guy who had recommended me into the company.. felt bad for the dude.. though I know they wouldn’t pin that on him..

………………

And that’s still NOT the “suicide”. Wait for it…

……………….

The suicide came when I realized I couldn’t visualize my future, and that I really didn’t wanna be doing anything in life but I still had to have a job.

So, I decided after about 7 years of MarComms experience, that I would just find a receptionist/admin job that’s near my house so that I can work 9-6pm and just come home and be a recluse.

So, I sent my resume out for random jobs which I really didn’t read or bother to research about. And one day, I got a call for an interview.

I didn’t know how (I was dead inside and sure as hell wouldn’t have seemed enthusiastic) but the GM decided to give me a try. He explained the role, and I was so zoned out, I gathered I was assisting the sales department - still within my newfound “dream” of being an admin executive now.

The pay would be >SGD$1000 LESS than my previous drawn, and I told the company I’d join them.

Now, THAT’s the career suicide.

Who does that? Accepting a huge pay cut in your mid-twenties?! I was suicidal, but I didn’t dare to take my own life, so I committed career suicide. Also, I was a sanguine, so for me to take up an admin executive job, let’s just say, my nuts were loose.

…………………

BUT…

it turned out to be a SALES role, and to cut the long story short, I excelled in it! Within 1.5 years I was the top performing Sales Manager, had pay raises and promotions, as well as a 8-month bonus…

Most of all, I discovered that my element was more in SALES than in Marketing... it was the best time of my life.

It was also during my tenure in that company that I would be married!

……………….

What an amazing twist of fate, huh?

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